As women, and mothers, how do you feel “children from other relationships” should be counted?
13th May 2008
Our great state of Washington claims to practice family law and collect child support because its “about the children.” Yet its really not about the children, its only about COD (children of divorce) who are subject to a parenting plan and child support order in our state. Other children, sometimes referred to as children from other relationships or dependents not subject to a current court order are often ignored when child support negotiations are underway.
There is nothing in our state law which requires family court to count or even consider these “other” children.
How do you feel about that? What is it like to know that [for those who are moms] your child doesn’t count in the eyes and laws in our state? Not such a “child friendly” state any longer is it? Good schools and parks mean much less when your children’s father can’t afford to contribute to their upbringing because the only kids that count are his “first” children or his children from a divorce, subject to a court order for child support. What happens when your husband has a court order which requires a substantial portion of his income to go to another household, yet there are no limits or standards with which to judge his required contribution for your bios together?
I do not know, because I am not a bio mother, but I know from the perspective of being the majority contributor to the household due to my husband’s overly-heavy, financially draining, waaaaaay-too-inflated-for-ONE-child, massive child support burden. I carry the lion’s share of the financial burden now and I would if we had a child. And I wonder and worry about this constantly…..why, why wouldn’t my child count, not as “second child” but as an EQUAL and important member of society and of my husband’s household?
If you are not aware, this and other child support issues are being discussed now, by those who would present to the Senators and Representatives a bill which would agree with the status quo….that your kids DON’T count and are not equal. They are basically saying that other children, subsequent children, are less deserving and less valuable.
Can you live with that? I can’t. No way. If this makes you mad, let me know. Together we CAN do something about this insult to our children.
If you were to comment to lawmakers about this injustice, what would you say? How do you think the family courts should consider subsequent children, children from other relationships? I personally think that for starters, those on the committee, those making laws and passing bills, all of our experts and legislators can only start by viewing all children as equal and that means children of divorce, subsequent children and the whole family, not just those subject to a court order.
13 Comments to “As women, and mothers, how do you feel “children from other relationships” should be counted?”
Aura Smith
Oh but they did count our bio child, they gave his father a 25$ per month credit. How kind of them. That almost pays for one box of diapers. As long as the first child is taken care of.
I share your frusteration.
Aura in Grays Harbor Washignton
Amy
They counted our bio child and did provide a deviation for that child, but the courts refused to count the three he legally adopted (my bio) because he made the choice to adopt them. (they had a deadbeat father). So now my parents have subsidized my income to provide for the three my husband adopted so we dont lose our house and can feed our children…hmmm….
I am disgusted and sad to see that our court system has set this as a pattern in their reasoning. Who cares about the other family is essentially their response. The “his children were here first” excuse is getting old. So what. It is okay for the other divorced party to produce children after a divorce (usually the mother), but it is not okay for the father to start a new life? Isn’t that a double standard? Oh that is right - we again live in a mother’s state…silly me - I forgot!
Kelly
This double standard shouldn’t be surprising. The state uses the excuse of “child’s best interest” as propaganda to elicit sympathy for this unjust system. The burden of support is shouldered on the individual (NCP) so that the state doesn’t have to pick up the bill if that individual has a “lean wallet.” By lean wallet, I mean to include both NCP who have a low income, and those who have other financial responsibilities (other children, etc.).
The Seattle metro area has an extremely low median income compared to the cost of living, and a very high poverty rate. To have a more “balanced” child support system, there would have to be an increase of taxes among the people who *can* pay so that the state could foot the rest of the child support when a NCP has a lean wallet. Because there is a huge discrepancy between high and low income levels in this area due to Microsoft and other large corporations, I’d venture to guess that people in the upper levels wouldn’t like that.
What do you all think?
Kelly
Also, I wonder if in a strange irony, do you think it would be more financially sound to *not* marry a new child’s father (although you are living and raising the child together) and to file for child support “against him,” since they give so little when filing for “credit” if he already pay CS?
TRH
The Child Support Workgroup discussed this very subject last week at their public meeting. Kristy Dimmick, who is a Custodial Parent member of the board, and Dr. David Betson, who is the evil economist they have hired to help pass their lousy changes, both stated they felt that children of second families should not be counted at all in the equation.
In other words, for Ms. Dimwit, it’s all about maximizing her payroll - errrr, child support. And we already know that Dr. Betson is only intrested in ensuring child support goes up, so his friends at PSI have more work for them, should we ever allow private collection, or if other states want to use our guidelines.
whats incredible is that this is even discussed. A child is a child, is a child, THey did not chose to be brought in as second place citizens, nor do they chose to be treated that way.
Wake up Washington’s legilature. The Families are falling apart on you as you sleep.
Kelly
What reasons did Dimmick and Betson give for not wanting to count children of second families?
Kelly
I also wanted to point out this UNPUBLISHED opinion from 4/08, where a NCP challenges his lack of relief upon modification when the court doesn’t even fill out the CS worksheet! http://www.courts.wa.gov/opinions/index.cfm?fa=opinions.showOpinion&filename=361094MAJ
TRH
Dimwit’s reasoning, as well as Dr. Betslum was that in the previous family, there was a decision of how many children in the family. At divorce, a child support amount was made that the custodial parent should be able to rely on, and that it is unfair for them for the Non-custodial parent to have more children and decrease the child support of the first family.
So, I wonder if they would accept that logic that if the Custodial parent has more children, the same would hold true. Since the custodial parent is paying for the original children, having more children would dilute the amount of child support going to the original children, so the custodial parent should be required to pay a higher percentage of the child support.
Can’t have it both was Ms. Dimwit.
Interesting comment for the public comments section. They consistently stated it doesn’t take 45% of anyones salary to raise a child. I think they nailed that spot on………. oh course it will go on being ignored, and profitability for the State of Washington will go on.
BTW - has everyone signed the shared parenting petition at http://petition.WashingtonSharedParenting.com
If you haven’t yet, please take a moment to do so.
ALO
Okay, so I came to this website looking for some talk about PAS, ex’s blocking visitation of bogus allegations, just trying to prevent visitation, you know, stuff like that…
Hmmm…. as for the whole money thing, as awful as it is, I guess it hasn’t had time to really sink in as problem number one. I gotta put that one in order of priority.
First off is trying to save a child, my step-son, the son of the man I love to the very core; to allow him the environment to grow up normal, secure, “emotionally healthy”… but I got to somehow do that without of course messing up the “already headed in the right direction” offspring. I have never even had the opportunity to meet this child, and he only knows me as the “mean wife who wrote nasty emails to mom’s computer.” (Oh why did I even bother and try to reach out to her! SORRY, GUESS I NEVER ACTUALLY BEEN THIS CLOSE TO A SOCIOPATH BEFORE.) She looks like a regular mom… until you get real close.
MAN would I love to post the emailed summary we just received from our attorney about his conversation with the Guardian Ad Litium who just met with the child! Somehow, it seems that exposing this issue is forbidden somehow… and it feels scary, like somehow it’s going to be twisted around, and come back to burn you…
I was thinking about that… why on earth would it feel that way????
That’s because you’re living in their world now. The world of chasing after selfish gratifications at any expense. In incites paranoia, suspicion… your’re constantly wondering how their going to use the next thing you do against you and how to beat them to it and stop them….
That’s when you got to stop and take a deep breath. You are the sane one, remember? Don’t let them infect you!!!
About the money though… yes, we just received a recalculated child support statement from the state of WA, and as their method of calculating his monthly income was absurd, we mailed off pay stubs and tax docs to get that corrected right away.
Funny thing is that because he has no proof that he paid money prior to the child support being “enforced”, and because he was a teen dad, he then tried to go to college, and so was making less then they required him to pay for a period of time, so yes, he is paying arrears support as well…. Oh, but not to worry, they leave you something… according to the HR letter he had received, they cannot take more then 65% of your total earnings when garnishing both the current and arrears child support….
Anyways, that is a big deal I agree, but as the new calculation accompanied a motion to suspend visitation??? Well now, first things first ladies. I’ll be back once this fire is under control.
Keep Pushin’ Forward!
Kellie
I was looking through the DCS website where DCS publishes the emails / comments sent to the Workgroup along with notices of public meetings, and sub-committee reports.
To the best of my understanding from reading the DCS website, the Residential Schedule Credit Subgroup is the primary body of the Workgroup addressing this issue.
The Residential Schedule Credit Subgroup’s report from its meeting May 31, 2008 ended with the subgroup’s members asking themselves the following questions (presumably to be addressed at future meetings).
1. Is a parenting plan / residential schedule even necessary?
2. Do we continue with a deviation or change to an adjustment? (permissive or presumptive or some combination of the two)
3. Do we continue with a broad grant of discretion as the standard or do we adopt a formula?
4. How do we measure the time?
5. What should the time sharing threshold be?
6. After the credit is granted if the time is not exercised what happens?
7. Should Arvey formula continue to apply in split residential placement?
8. Is a 50/50 shared plan different that other shared parenting plans?
9. If the self support reserved is applicable in the scenario of either household should a schedule credit be available?
Some lofty questions to be addressed by members of the subgroup. How much influence will these members have over the Workgroup’s agenda? Will this subgroup just toe the line and support Betson’s agenda?
How come Sen. Kastama and other members of the House and Senate who support shared parenting cannot get it through the legislature?
Where does it get holed up and stopped? I would like to know. I want to know names. Those are the state legislators who need to be held accountable and singled out for their lack of support of shared parenting.
If you want more information, go to the DCS website and click on the link provided to view the comments sent to the workgroup. Comments, information, public meeting notices, and sub-committee reports are all filed by the month.
Ellie
I am so confused and tired. I love this man with all that is in me, but his ex and the WA system is draining us. She is a drug addict and on disability, but still she has their 9 year old son and we pay for EVERYTHING!! What rights do fathers have?? We need help!!
Ellie
ALO, I need to talk to you!! I need your help
minicoopsmom
Contact me at bluzsingr@yahoo.com. I know one of THE BEST Father’s Rights/Family Law attorneys around.
Hang in there!