25th Mar 2008
I found a new site that looks really good for the CBC (childless by choice or chance) crowd. This is the first time I’ve seen this site but the paragraph below really speaks of the potential to be interesting…
(Taken from the link above.)
If we complain about the kids we are instantly put in the wicked-stepmother category, not only by people who don’t know us but sometimes by our own friends and family who say ‘you knew he had kids when you married him’. Well, of course we knew. When these same friends and family complain about their husbands or cars, do we respond with ‘you knew he was a man when you married him’ or you knew that car might need repairs some day when you bought it’? What they don’t know is that there is usually a honeymoon with the man and with his children that may not last. We may not get the opportunity to see them in a realistic light during courtship when they may accompany us to play miniature golf or attend a family celebration. It can be very different from when they later ruin your only vacation for the year by being sullen, whiny and uncooperative the whole time. Incidentally, you probably paid for the vacation. Their father can’t afford it because he’s paying child support and even if he has custody, the biological mother is likely to be paying a token amount or none at all. Also, sometimes these men seem to be active, involved fathers when we are dating them. After we become their wife, they have a tendency to try and abdicate all things child-related to our realm.
25th Mar 2008
The constitution has only been amended successfully 27 times. I can see potential to abuse this amendment, yet I can also see the necessity for it. And it saddens me that the system and our legislators have allowed it to come to this. Its deplorable when good, loving, non abusive parents have to resort to having their rights stated in the constitution at the highest levels of government so they can parent their children!
I’m going to sign it. Perhaps it will help me find others, stepmoms, grandmothers, second - sixth wives who feel the same. Or at least make my voice heard….
Only a constitutional amendment will ensure that the courts of our nation protect the fundamental right of parents to raise their children. And only a constitutional amendment will override international law that seeks to undermine the parental role.
As the only complete solution to the danger confronting the child-parent relationship, the Parental Rights Amendment will place current Supreme Court doctrine protecting parental rights into the explicit text of the Constitution.
Only a constitutional amendment completely eliminates all threats to the child-parent relationship. It is the only comprehensive response to the attack on parental rights across our nation.
Sign the online petition and check out website re: securing parental rights
16th Mar 2008
I found an interesting link for divorce tips. So far, I’m impressed w/ the content. I saw two that could generate some conversation. I think this is fantastic advice. http://divorce.lifetips.com
I’ve seen the “death of an ex’s family member” topic debated over and over and over. Some think they still have “rights” to the ex’s family after the divorce. But I agree wholeheartedly with this thought… “It is best to speak to your ex and ask how they would feel about your going. If you cannot approach your ex on this issue then do not go.”
Accept that it´s over
Accept that your marriage is over and proceed with your own life. Don´t try to obtain information about your ex-spouse´s private life through your children. The best thing you can do for yourself and your children is to move ahead with your life and find happiness in a new relationship.
The death of an ex´s family member
Often when a couple divorces and there is a death in their ex´s family they are left feeling torn. Do they go and show their respect, or stay away? It is best to speak to your ex and ask how they would feel about your going. If you cannot approach your ex on this issue then do not go. Send some flowers or a card, and do not keep the children from attending.
16th Mar 2008
I use a lot of acronyms. In order to understand what I mean, I thought I’d share them here. If you have some you’d like to add, fee free. I’ll keep adding them as I think of them….
SM = Stepmom
DH = Dear husband
BF/GF = Boyfriend/Girlfriend
SS = Step son
SD = Step daugher
Skids = stepkids
COD = Child of Divorce
MIL/FIL/BIL/SIL = Mother in Law, Father in Law, Brother in Law, Sister in LawEOWE = Every Other Week End
EOW = Every Other Week
PU/DO = Pick up and Drop Off
PITA = Pain in the A**
PP = parenting Plan
CO = Court Order (also another reference to the PP)
CS = Child Support
MOTY = Mother of the year
MOTFY = Mother of the F*cking Year
BM = Bio Mom, Bio Mother
BB = Bio B*tch
16th Mar 2008
What are some simple things he could do that would make you feel safe, secure and at ease with your place in this life?
I’m a member of a number of step parenting forums and so I know a lot of step moms “virtually.” I often see them complaining about the skids, or about EOWE. (Oh! And don’t get me wrong, we ALL need a chance to vent and complain from time to time…I’m not criticizing complaining at ALL.) But often, some of the issues that come up IMHO, can be resolved if DAD would make some adjustments. I think our men are no more prepared for remarriage and blending families than we are.
I am very lucky, my DH and I are in a really happy place right now. Our marriage is secure, we have a partnership and we give and receive respect from one another. But we didn’t get here by magic or simply with time….we had some real rocks in the road to over come. We did a lot of talking about expectations and even role playing (the whole…what if SS does X, how would you react?) to understand one another’s parenting styles and thought process. And now 4 years later, I feel like we are almost “in the zone.”
What if you aren’t in the zone? What can he do to make things better? What do you think your biggest issues with step life are and is it something that he can control (things like discipline, respect, communication?) And if you are in “the zone” how did you get there? How long did it take?
15th Mar 2008
The first two are reviews by a woman who refers to herself as “Stepmom in Seattle,” go Amazon.
The next ones are gruesome news stories in our state — about the father and stepmom of a rapist, and a stepmother who beat her step daughter to death. There are two appeals court cases about a stepdaughter who was convicted of 1st degree theft for bilking her stepmom. And an article about kids who are suing their SM for killing their father.
Seeing that makes me think of the portayals of the evil, greedy, stepmom of Cinderella (who was forced to live with her and two mean step sisters) or the stepmother in Snow White who was vain and wicked and jealous of her stepdaughters beauty.
A general search for the term “step mom” is much more optimistic. There are multiple links for the movie starring Susan Sarandon and Juila Roberts, some online support groups, and a couple of blogs from other step moms.
What kind of step are you? How do you feel portrayed in your role? Is it a fair characterization or accurate? How do you want to be viewed?
15th Mar 2008
Do you have any opinions on this article? Do you agree or disagree with the expert’s recommendations? What is YOUR visitation like? Is your husband a Disneyland dad? Does your household revolve around the visiting child or do things go on as usual and the child is integrated into your household?
I was interviewed for this article. I answered all the questions below, and more, for the author. What would your answers be?
How old are your step children?
When were your husband and his X divorced?
What was the visitation schedule initially like?
Has it changed at all?
What is it like when the kid(s) come over?
Do you try to do special things with him/her?
Does it feel like enough time? Never
What is it like when he/she leaves?
Do you talk in between visits?
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