3rd May 2008
Perhaps this book will point out some of the “best things” because this would be one of those days when I can come up with no reasons of my own. I think all stepmom’s need a copy of this one. My FIL sent this to me for my last birthday per my Amazon wish list. I’m glad he did. I think every type of stepmom, CSM (custodial step mom) LDNC (long distance non custodial) or SM no bios can find at least a FEW points they can relate to in this little gem of a book….
* “Now you have an excuse to rent 101 Dalmations.” (or insert latest Disney or Pixar flick here.)
* “Just when you thought you were done with all those “growth” and “character building” experiences, here’s a biggie!” (That’s an understatement.)
* “If you ever decide to have kids of your own, you’ve had practice.” (Hmm…if this is what parenting is REALLY like, this experience is not a selling point for giving birth to my own….)
* “It’s likely that you’ll slide under the radar when it comes to being on the list of parents who are asked to chaperone school dances.” (The BB goes out of her way to prevent my SS’s father from being involved in his life AT ALL, no worries on this front, it will NEVER happen.)
* “You can teach him how to speak pig latin toward the end of your weekend, knowing that the novelty will have worn off by the next visit.”
I think the key is to focus on what I have with my husband on days like these.
* ” A relationship that is cemented not only by shared joy but also by shared challenges and sorrows is a stronger one with deeper roots.”
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14th Mar 2008
What books have you read, which you would recommend, that have helped you in your step situation?
What books have you read which you disliked?
Why did you like or dislike these books?
I can’t claim to have read a whole lot of step parenting books, and I’ve not had counseling, (although I think it would be cleansing and I will probably look into it someday…) but I have picked up four books that came highly recommended by other step mothers, and I was thrilled to find that they have given me very valuable advice.
The first one I read was handed down to me by a stepmom who was a few years ahead of me in my journey. It was called The Courage to be a Stepmom:Finding your Place Without Loosing Yourself.
I might launch later into a more indepth discussion on the contents of the books I will mention here, but the number one point that resonated with me in Courage, was the important relationship priority The author recommends that stepmoms have a priority list that looks like this:
- Marriage first (happy parents = happy kids)
- Self (If you don’t take care of you, who will take care of the kids?)
- Biological children
- Step children (they have two bio parents)
Another great book which you can get for the adults or for the children, or both, is Mom’s House, Dad’s House. We’ve read parts of Mom’s House, Dad’s House for Kids to my step son. The examples in there to help him deal with the hostile situation at his CPs home were priceless; I think and I hope that sharing it gave him some coping tools.
And I’ve been on a reading binge lately. I got two new books which I devoured recently and I can’t help but recommend them. The first was The Single Girl’s Guide to Marrying a Man, His Kids, and his Ex Wife: Becoming a Step Mother with Humor and Grace and Understanding the Borderine Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable and Volitile Relationship.
Single Girl’s Guide was lighthearted, cute, funny and generally optimistic. It gave me a warm feeling and I appreciate the sentiment. The author did; however, address the circumstances of those who are outside the norm, and while not speaking from experience of these special situations, she did acknowledge that they happened and gave guidance on how to cope in those circumstances.
And the Understanding the Borderline Mother was so enlightening, so eye opening…that that book will get an entire post devoted to it when I have the time. It’s well worth the dissection in a post of its own.
The next books that I have on my list of must reads are:
The 312 Best Things About Being a Stepmom: For those day when you can only come up with one or two on your own
and
Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care about Has Borderline Personality Disorder
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