16th Aug 2008
Hopefully you all saw my post below and you sent an email to those who would raise child support w/out consideration for the second families:
http://washingtonsharedparenting.com/wssw/?p=18
Now we need you to appear in person. We need you, your kids, your husband, your in laws, and the rest of your family to come protest what is going on with regards to family court and child support. There aren’t that many chances to get in front of the Director of DSHS, his minions, WA state senators, and all those who are for and against the corrupt “system” here but THIS IS IT! Please, please come. Our strength is in numbers. I went to one of these public meetings a few years ago and it was amazing! We were able to head off an increase in child support and we can do it again with your help!
THE STATE OF WASHINGTON WANTS TO RAISE YOUR CHILD SUPPORT
Come To an Important Meeting and Let Your Voice Be Heard
As if the economy isn’t already bad enough, non custodial parents are now being threatened with drastic child support increases this year. Child support payors have the opportunity to have their voices heard in a public meeting to discuss the Washington State Child Support Schedule and how it affects them and their families. If you are a Non Custodial Paying parent (or wife or child of) can you afford a 40% increase in your monthly child support payments?
The Child Support Schedule Workgroup, established by the Washington State Legislature, is holding a meeting to hear comments, suggestions, and ideas. They need to know where payors stand on this issue; otherwise, they will press forward with their agenda of passing laws which will increase payments and financial burdens of the paying parents.
It causes stress and costs time, money and missed wages to have child support set or to combat increases by DSHS in court, but your chance to make your voice heard and to stop this continued state sponsored attachment of a parent’s hard earned income. Take this opportunity to make recommendations for the schedule or to make other suggestions for changes to child support laws.
Public input meetings will be held from 2:00-4:00 pm:
Saturday, September 13, 2008 at the Hilton Airport Hotel, 301 W. 6th Street, Vancouver, WA 98660 (Tel. 360-993-4500)
Saturday, September 27, 2008 at the Doubletree Hotel Seattle Airport 18740 International Boulevard, Sea Tac, WA 98188 (Tel. 206-246-8600)
To obtain more information about the Support Schedule Workgroup, examine a list of 14 issues, or submit comments, go to:
http://www1.dshs.wa.gov/dcs/resources/workgroup.asp#w1
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16th Aug 2008
I sent the below to Glenn Sacks recently.
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I’ve been watching Phelps for years. His mom is NOT athletic looking AT ALL. I’ve been pondering how he became an uber-athlete from a mother like her. (If you study the athletes many of them have one or two very athletic parents, college athletes, former Olympians, etc.) She’s not tall, or svelte like he is. If she swims, its not apparent, she’s more like a pumpkin or an apple. Not willowy. (No offense, just a fact.)
So I started searching for Phelp’s father. There has been literally NO mention of him in Beijing.
Then a few mornings ago I heard Meredith on the Today show say, “Debbie Phelps (mom) did it ALL BY HERSELF.” And that just rubbed me the wrong way. We all know that hardly any of these women are “doing it by themselves….” (they receive huge sums of child support and dad visits EOWE at the minimum.) But they sure do love to take the CREDIT for having been the “poor single muuuuuther”.
I found my answer, and I am extrapolating from it (this article was written prior to Athens Olympics I think)
http://www.baltimoresun.com/sports/olympics/bal-sp.swim21nov21,0,7730011.story?page=2
Apparently I am correct. Its not MOM who is the “athlete” its DAD.
“Fred was a 165-pound defensive back in high school, but went 190 as a college freshman. He said he didn’t need the extra weight to leave an impression.”
“At Fairmont State College in West Virginia, Fred studied physical education and set school records for interceptions in a season and, after he was steered to track and field by a football assistant, the triple jump.”
Michael Fred Phelps II (yes named after DAD) has two older sisters, Whitney and Hilary who were both swimmers first. Michael grew up at the pool watching the sisters.
According to sister Hilary:
“When we started, my dad would be up at 4 a.m. on the mornings I had 5:30 practice,” Hilary said.
“Whitney, 23, accepted a scholarship to the University of Nevada Las Vegas, competed sparingly there as a freshman and sophomore, then ended her career. She returned to the area in late summer, lives with her father and stepmother, Jackie.”
“Father and son, both proud men, one 53 and the other 18, have not spoken since Michael’s high school graduation party. Whether real or perceived, slights had been simmering.
Fred remarried one week before the 2000 Olympic final in the 200 butterfly. He and Jackie went to Sydney, where Fred had a pep talk with Michael after the semifinals. They went to the Duel in the Pool, but not to Barcelona for this summer’s world championships, where Michael’s status covered some of the travel expenses for Debbie and Hilary.
Overseas trips are costly, but Fred also did not go to the U.S. Summer Nationals in College Park last August.
Both say calls to the other have not been returned.
“There are reasons, and I really don’t want to get into that,” Michael said, when asked about being estranged from his father. Pressed, Michael said: “He didn’t call me after I set my first world record [in 2001]. He didn’t call me after Barcelona.”
“Two days after he graduated,” Fred said, “he said he didn’t want me to go to Barcelona because I hadn’t been around. This is his world, and I’m just watching him travel through it. People ask me how he’s doing, where he’s swimming next, and it’s hard to say that I don’t know.”
This all comes from the article above.
Here’s my theory on this, knowing what I know as a second wife and dealing with severely PASed children. Debbie spent the years post divorce PASing this kid. Once he turned 18 he shut dad out and it was encouraged. It didn’t help that dad finally remarried and Mom hadn’t. So her son, her baby boy sided with her and turned on his dad.
I read somewhere else that Fred Phelps was there at practice when Michael’s his coach said, “if Michael will focus he can go on to the Olympics” (this happened after he won a race at 11…the divorce was at 8 yrs. so dad was THERE, involved STILL at 11 yrs.)
Dad wasn’t a deadbeat or absentee, there’s a campaign going on against him to erase his MAJOR contribution. Without DAD, I don’t think there would be a Michael Fred Phelps II. KWIM? And yet he gets NO credit. None.
I’m not debating that Phelps had to practice and work hard to get where he is, and without a doubt he’s a super athlete, but there is certainly a genetic component as well as the support of family too.
What’s your take on this? Where’s Phelp’s dad? Even if he stopped visiting, was it because he WANTED to or because mom made him so miserable all the time that he couldn’t/didn’t want to deal with the stress? It appears that he tried to be involved with the kids. I’d sure like to know more about this story. How about you?
Fred Phelps, what’s your story? I sure would like to hear DAD’s side of things…..
3 Comments
2nd Jul 2008
http://www.sharedparentingworks.org/wordpress/2008/07/02/parental-rights-amendment-introduced/
PLEASE TAKE ACTION NOW! You can contact your member of Congress here. You can contact local newspapers here.
The introduction of this Parental Rights Amendment signals the opening of a vital discussion in Congress. Please urge your member of Congress to stand in support of H. J. Res 97, the Parental Rights Constitutional Amendment. Ask your member of Congress to contact Rep. Pete Hoekstra to add their name to a list of potential Co-Sponsors. Thank him yourselves, write to your local newspapers, and spread this information far and wide.
1 Comment
9th Jun 2008
I noticed a lot of opinions and commentary about the topic of children from other relationships. Ladies, take that thought and put your frustrations down by emailing:
SupportSchedule@dshs.wa.gov
State Senators, DSHS (child support enforcement), State Representatives, Women’s Rights Activists, Low Income Representatives, State Bar Association members, Judges, Non Custodial and Custodial parents are sitting down NOW to determine for your family, how your “subsequent child(ren)” are going to be counted. And do you know what the consensus is?? That YOUR KIDS DON’T COUNT.
Don’t let them do this to you, to us, to our future generations. Get mad. Have your say like you did here. Ask your husband your in-laws, your parents to do the same. Help me tell them that we will NOT stand for this!!
They are accepting “public commentary” on children from other relationships and other issues, such as your husband’s overtime, bonuses, insurance, and his (and your) lively-hood.
Here is the list of questions that are under consideration and that deserve your opinion and commentary.
- Should the support schedule and guidelines consider a parent’s children from other relationships? If so, should the Whole Family Formula be the preferred method of dealing with this issue?
- Should the economic table be expanded to include parents whose combined income exceeds $5,000 per month?
- Should the economic table start at combined income at 125% of the federal poverty level and move upward in $100 increments?
- Should the economic table have separate categories for children under 12 and children 12 and over?
- Should child care costs and ordinary medical costs be included in the economic table or treated separately?
- Which method should be used as the basis for calculations to create the economic table: the Rothbarth estimate, the Engel estimator, or some other method.
- Should the self-support reserve be tied to the federal poverty level?
- What rules should apply to imputation of income when calculating child support obligations, including such issues as whether the court should impute minimum wage earnings to a parent when there is not enough information regarding income before the court.
- Should extraordinary medical expenses be included in the basic child support obligation or as a separate obligation?
- Should the current presumptive minimum support obligation of $25 per month per child be adjusted or stay the same?
- Should child support obligations be based on a parent’s gross or net income?
- How a parent’s income from overtime or a second job should be considered when calculating the parent’s child support obligation.
- Whether the noncustodial parent’s current child support obligation should be limited to 45% of net income.
- Whether the child’s residential schedule should affect the amount of a parent’s child support obligation.
PLEASE, PLEASE email your responses to: SupportSchedule@dshs.wa.gov
http://www.dshs.wa.gov/dcs/Resources/workgroup.asp
7 Comments
13th May 2008
Our great state of Washington claims to practice family law and collect child support because its “about the children.” Yet its really not about the children, its only about COD (children of divorce) who are subject to a parenting plan and child support order in our state. Other children, sometimes referred to as children from other relationships or dependents not subject to a current court order are often ignored when child support negotiations are underway.
There is nothing in our state law which requires family court to count or even consider these “other” children.
How do you feel about that? What is it like to know that [for those who are moms] your child doesn’t count in the eyes and laws in our state? Not such a “child friendly” state any longer is it? Good schools and parks mean much less when your children’s father can’t afford to contribute to their upbringing because the only kids that count are his “first” children or his children from a divorce, subject to a court order for child support. What happens when your husband has a court order which requires a substantial portion of his income to go to another household, yet there are no limits or standards with which to judge his required contribution for your bios together?
I do not know, because I am not a bio mother, but I know from the perspective of being the majority contributor to the household due to my husband’s overly-heavy, financially draining, waaaaaay-too-inflated-for-ONE-child, massive child support burden. I carry the lion’s share of the financial burden now and I would if we had a child. And I wonder and worry about this constantly…..why, why wouldn’t my child count, not as “second child” but as an EQUAL and important member of society and of my husband’s household?
If you are not aware, this and other child support issues are being discussed now, by those who would present to the Senators and Representatives a bill which would agree with the status quo….that your kids DON’T count and are not equal. They are basically saying that other children, subsequent children, are less deserving and less valuable.
Can you live with that? I can’t. No way. If this makes you mad, let me know. Together we CAN do something about this insult to our children.
If you were to comment to lawmakers about this injustice, what would you say? How do you think the family courts should consider subsequent children, children from other relationships? I personally think that for starters, those on the committee, those making laws and passing bills, all of our experts and legislators can only start by viewing all children as equal and that means children of divorce, subsequent children and the whole family, not just those subject to a court order.
10 Comments
4th May 2008
Bitter Ex Wife Pattern
Some examples to help you identify the bitter Ex!
http://www.thebritishsecondwivesclub.co.uk/articles/bitter_exwife_pattern.htm
Yikes! How many traits on this list does your man’s X possess? Unfortunately, if you’re like me, she’s attempted all of them at one point. (But I knew she was bitter on day one, I didn’t need a check list to see it.) And if you have one of these to contend with, girl, do I pity and empathize with you!
What even got me more was the statement that “even professionals think it takes 12 months to get over the divorce.”
Well, well, here we sit, 8 years in September, and the BB is no where near “getting over it.” She is acting the same as she did early on, except, the legal means that have been set in place prevent us from having to witness or her constant bitterness and attempted destruction of the relationship between my husband and his son.
My DH and I have now been married as long as they were. They’ve been divorced the majority of the kid’s life, yet she’s still totally hung up on [mostly made up] dramatic events from OVER EIGHT YEARS AGO. They were both 21 when she got knocked up. Don’t people change? Apparently SOME do, my husband certainly has matured. But the BB, not so much. I see her saying the same old tired lines and living in the past.
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3rd May 2008
http://stepmothersmilk.com/
A blog to keep an eye on. I dig her monthly interviews with other real life step moms. And she’s got a whole bunch of other resources I’ve not had time to explore just yet. I’m going to spend some time over there looking around, but I like what I see so far.
And she’s organizing and has personally invited all you WA state girls to:
La Belle Mere
A Stepmom Weekend Getaway where stepladies from east, west, north and south get together to celebrate our coveted second wife status and swap war stories about our glamorous lives as stepmothers. And what a glamorous life it is!
A couple of my SM friends and I were actually going to meet in June in Las Vegas if we can swing it, so I might not get to La Belle Mere this year, but I’ll not rule it out just yet. One of my friends who’s supposed to be coming to Vegas is in Texas and another SM that I love to pieces is near Austin, so…. I’ll have to think on this one…
1 Comment
3rd May 2008
Perhaps this book will point out some of the “best things” because this would be one of those days when I can come up with no reasons of my own. I think all stepmom’s need a copy of this one. My FIL sent this to me for my last birthday per my Amazon wish list. I’m glad he did. I think every type of stepmom, CSM (custodial step mom) LDNC (long distance non custodial) or SM no bios can find at least a FEW points they can relate to in this little gem of a book….
* “Now you have an excuse to rent 101 Dalmations.” (or insert latest Disney or Pixar flick here.)
* “Just when you thought you were done with all those “growth” and “character building” experiences, here’s a biggie!” (That’s an understatement.)
* “If you ever decide to have kids of your own, you’ve had practice.” (Hmm…if this is what parenting is REALLY like, this experience is not a selling point for giving birth to my own….)
* “It’s likely that you’ll slide under the radar when it comes to being on the list of parents who are asked to chaperone school dances.” (The BB goes out of her way to prevent my SS’s father from being involved in his life AT ALL, no worries on this front, it will NEVER happen.)
* “You can teach him how to speak pig latin toward the end of your weekend, knowing that the novelty will have worn off by the next visit.”
I think the key is to focus on what I have with my husband on days like these.
* ” A relationship that is cemented not only by shared joy but also by shared challenges and sorrows is a stronger one with deeper roots.”
1 Comment
19th Apr 2008
- I will be part of the decision-making process in my marriage and family at all times.
- People outside the immediate family - including ex-wives, in-laws and adult children - cannot make plans that affect my life without my consent.
- I will not be responsible for the welfare of children for whom I can set no limits.
- I must be consulted about which children will live with us, when they can visit and how long they will stay.
- I will not be solely responsible for housework; chores will be distributed fairly.
- I will be consulted regarding all family financial matters.
- Others may not violate my private space at home, nor take or use my possessions without my permission.
- I will never be treated as an “outsider” in my own home.
- My husband and stepchildren must treat me with respect.
- Our marriage is our first priority, and we will address all issues together.
I’ve seen this posted time and time again. I remember the first time I read it. I agree whole-heartedly. Somehow, instinctively, I expected these rules to apply to my situation even before I read them. They work. Without a doubt. I will accept nothing less.
Much debate has been had over the idea of the 2nd (or subsequent) marriage not being first priority. I’ve heard some even say the tired old phrase “his kids were here first!” Here WHERE? On earth? Please. And then I go on to point out that experts say, marriage first. This doesn’t always happen in “first” marriages either, but you can bet that if the marriage (and therefore the family unit) isn’t the priority, well it won’t be around long….check out our nearly 50% divorce rate for evidence of this fact.
Heck, even first wives could benefit from following this bill of rights.
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