Washington Shared Parenting

Watched an incredible investigative report where DSHS employees were talking about State policy to remove children from homes to meet adoption quotas, etc.  It was very disturbing.  Employees were actually fired for not doing unethical work.  When they were terminated, and reported a Whistleblower on the issue, they were handsomely rewarded.  One to the tune of $320,000 dollars.

You have to watch this incredibly ugly story.  It’s shameful.   Please, leave your comments to share with others.

Now, this didn’t happen in Washington State, but I would certainly support a method of paying Washington State Employees that report Whistleblower issues such as this and many others.

The citizens of Washington State have entrusted DSHS employees with taking care of our Families.  We rely on you to do the right thing.  Are You?  If not, PLEASE DO REPORT IT, to this site, or any other that might be beneficial.  It’s time to restore the faith in DSHS, and it will have to come from the everyday employees like yourself.  Do the right thing - pick up the phone or email us today.  Think of the positive outcome you could have in the life of a child.

What is being Turnered?  That is when you get a letter from Washington’s Division of Child Support that is so ridiculous that you want to laugh.  It’s when what is in the letter you know could no way be true, that is is blatant BULL SHITE.  That is a Turner, as the letter that DCS’s Own Peter Turner sent to the man who was owed over $20K in overpaid child support, but was told that he wasn’t owed but just under $2.

HA!  Imagine that, what a laughing stock!  But I suppose that something like that is not disruptive to the agency.  Think again.  Many at DSHS have been visiting this site, after reading the comments on the Seattle Times, which includes a link to our story about Pete Turner, where he was caught telling untrue stories about DCS policy and received a smackdown from David Stillman, Chief Pidgeon at DCS.  Check out the story here - http://washingtonsharedparenting.com/?p=347

So, for the past few days the site has been a buzzin from people wanting to learn about this new Turner trick.  Just look at them.

Here is what is interesting.  These are just a few of the many visitors from State agencies, DSHS, Auditors, Legislature, etc. that were looking for this story.  What is interesting is they all came from the Seattle times story.  Now, we know our comments are buried a few pages down, so it took a considerable amount of time to find the comment that brought them here.  Get the picture - we are talking 20-30 minutes and probably a lot more to get to this point.  You think that isn’t wasting some tax payor money.  Lets see, 30 minutes times 60 visitors, that 30 labor hours.  At a loaded labor rate of $50 an hours, that is $1,500 plus the time talking about it around the coffee pot.

So, this account that was Turnered is just costing the state more and more money.

Whistleblower that reported this - Great Job!  I hope you show others in the agency how to do the right thing.  We could use a strong showing of integrity from this agency, and we know how ingrained it is to be unethical there.

 If you have been Turnered recently, let us know, we would like to post the ridiculous letter for the masses.

Two members of the Washington Civil Rights Council met with Washington States Division of Child Support Director David Stillman, along with his boss, Deputy Secretary Troy Hutson at the Seattle DCS office on Wednesday, September 9th.  The meeting was also attended by 5 other employees of DCS from various positions in the agency.  The meeting had mixed results, but hopefully will be the opening of ongoing meetings with the agency to try and identify ways DCS can help custodial and non-custodial families in more family friendly ways.

Apparently, DCS is working on legislation that will make it easier and quicker for an NCP to make a modification when they have lost their jobs.  We welcome that. 

One concerning note was that both of these managers of these large agencies are in denial that there is a causal relationship between collecting child support and visitation.  Apparently, when asked about working with the legislature to try and toughen laws in our State that are around enforcing parenting plan violations, and discussing Federal Studies that show parents that are dis-enfranchised from their children are less likely to pay child support, these agency directors were in denial that there is any effect whatsoever.  Or at least they deny there are any studies to demonstrate that is the case, and it seems they were VERY reluctant to do anything that would either prove or disprove the theory.

Are they in denial?  We need to ask our readers a question.  Have you over the years become less willing to pay to support your kids because you don’t get to see them?  Has denial of your rights to enforce your parenting plan caused you to be less likely to pay on time?   If you have, please email these knuckleheads and let them know that seeing your kids is the most important thing in your life!  Having the court ordered parenting plan enforceable is critical to your desire to pay the full amount of child support.  Tell them they are wrong, and out of touch with the real situation here.  You can email them at dstillman@dshs.wa.gov or hutsota@dshs.wa.gov 

Please, now is the time to write a simple but polite email to these DSHS leaders and let them know your concerns.  Please cc a copy to info@WashingtonSharedParenting.com

  Imagine this, at the end of the day, the Commissioner in 17 counties in Washington State go back to their desk and fill out a timesheet declaring how many hours they have spent on child support collections.  So here is the scenario - you are in court.  The prosecutors office is funded 100% by DCS.  The Judges are funded for this hearing 100% by DCS.  Is there any wonder if you will get a fair hearing?  Remember, the Court’s Canons state that no Judge is allowed to do anything that would undermine the view of the courts as a neutral party (essentially).  SO, is this not undermining your belief that the courts should be unbiased?   

Haven’t seen enough to convince you of this racket?  Look at this sample document.  This is the actual timesheet of Commissioner Arden Bedle of Snohomish County.  This sample is from June-2005.  You will notice that he is billing DCS for 45.5 hours of his monthly hours for re-imbursement.   Seem obvious that if he is filling out a timesheet that is being given to one of the litigants in the courtroom, DCS is a client of the Prosecutors Office, that they have an unfair advantage in court.  How can a Commissioner, who is unelected, served as a family court prosecutor for well over a decade prior to becoming an unelected commissioner for 20 years not going to have some bias.  And, for his employer?  Now we aren’t necessarily picking on Arden, as this goes on all over our state, the legislature knows it, the bar knows it, and the voters have no idea!

This next one is a good one too!  This is the actual voucher for re-imbursement by Washington State Division of Child Support for one month.  In the amount of $10,665 and mailed directly to the courthouse.  Doesn’t get any clearer than that does it.  Notice it says “reimbursement for child support enforcement”.  Now, this is all made possible because of a contract between DCS and 17 superior courts in Washington State.  It appears that maybe the other 12 are actually honest in their dealing with Family Court.

So the question of the hours is this, how much do they get to enforce parenting plans when one parent doesn’t follow it, alienating a child from a loving parent?  Sorry, they don’t exist.  In fact, if these commissioner enforce parenting plans, they lose their DCS dollars.  NADA, ZIP, NONE.  So, get extra money for my office, or lose money.  Is it any wonder that SNOHOMISH County has NEVER prosecuted a parent for parenting plan violations?  What happened to equal protection under the law.  Or, is this a color of law violation by the courts and the prosecutors office? 

So, you need to see more of this type of stuff to believe it?  Go to Http://WashingtonSharedParenting.com/web

Click on the DCS documents link, it opens a new menu that has copies of this, but the actual contract in SNohomish County where the presiding judge has signed a contract to give dcs “Priority Service in exchange for In-Kind Contributions”  Sounds a bit mafioso to me.

So, next time you say “Your Honor”, consider what they are really doing behind the bench.  It will have a whole new meaning to honorable.

Did you even know?  We have a lot of resources on this site besides this blog.  For instance, check out our Web Forum at http://washingtonsharedparenting.com/smf

Having issues with DCS - check out their full policy manual on our web resource pages at http://washingtonsharedparenting.com/web

There, you can also see the contracts that the courts have with DCS to get priority services in exchange for cash to the judges.  YOu can see a few timesheets filled out by the judges to get their cash.  You can see contracts with the King County Sheriffs Office to pay them to send out Civil arrest warrants - yep, civil!

Do you ever pick up the phone and call DCS?  Why?  You give them evidence to use against you in court, and yet you get nothing from them in writing to protect yourself.  Go to http://dshs.washingtonsharedparenting.com to get their email address.  we have over 20,000 email addresses for the Washington State Department of Social and Health Services.  No more phone calls to them, you hear?

And, if you haven’t signed the Shared Parenting Petition, please do so now at http://petition.washingtonSharedParenting.com.  we are getting close to 1,000 signatures, but that is nothing, when you consider there are 350,000 non-custodial parents in Washington State.  WHich side of the fence are you on, the side that has signed and asked to be involved, or the side that just watched more parents get creamed in Washington State Courts?

Are you a second wife, or step mother?  How about our blog site for the step-mothers and second wives at http://washingtonsharedparenting.com/wssw  Check in to see what helpful advice they might have.

You can also sign up for our mailing lists at http://washingtonsharedparenting.com/lists

And last but not least, don’t forget to leave a comment on your favorite blog story.  Yep, people actually read them.  Heck, you don’t even have to use your real name on it…………….

we ask one thing of you - get involved.  Leave things for your kids better than your own parents left them for you!

You have the sinking feeling in your heart - you will never see your kids again.  Day after day, you miss them, you love them, but you know they are being filled with hatred and you will never see them again if they move.  How will you ever find them as adults to forge that relationship again?

Your a young adult, you grew up without one parent in your life.  You wonder why?  You want answers and your ready to face them.  But how do you find that lost parent.

The answer is at USSharedParenting.com, where they have a Family Finder application that allows you to post a free advertisement to find your lost family member.  The contact is anonymous, so you can work to earn or gain trust with that person.  It’s a great service that is growing.

Please, take a minute to look at it, and recommend it to anyone you know that is missing a parent or a child in their life.  You could just make a world of difference in someones life.

This spells trouble.  Just like when Chris Wickam, Commissioner in Thurston County ran for Judge.  If you have seen Scott Lord in court, laughing with his fellow cronies at the mothers and fathers in chains for their court appearance, then you know what I mean.  Someone that gets so much joy out of the misery of others has no business being behind the bench.  Someone with the only practical experience being the prosecution of Child Support Cases, has no business behind a judges bench. 

Heck, get one of those dinosaur Commissioners to finally run for a position that the voters have to approve, instead of squatting as a deadbeat commissioner until retirement.  Some of these guys have held these unelected positions for over 20 years.  20 years as a commissioner - without a singe vote from the public.  Almost seems criminal that the Presiding Judges would let this happen, but then it is THEIR court, isn’t it.

If this was a Commissioner position, I could understand it.  However, this is a judges position, one that hears real cases, not the beat dead cases that these guys spend their time prosecuting.  It’s like Parking Enforcement running for Sheriff.

I believe it’s time for Non-custodial parent’s in Snohomish County to get organized to ensure this guy doesn’t get elected to a position of Judge.  He’s on a City Council, that’s where he belongs.  Not behind a bench.  I vote a STRONG no for Scott Lord for Judge.  I hope you join in!

You can if you go by one simple rule - Don’t re-elect anyone!  Thats right, those elected to run our Country, our State, our Cities have let us down for far to long.  It’s time to send a message to those that remain after this election - start representing those that elected you, not those that have lived off of the federal time and spend their time lobying for their special interest.  Make your vote count by re-electing nobody!

And, when you do vote for someone, make sure they support shared parenting.

Yep, its time to make your vote count, so please do it with this election!

Yes, there is life after divorce.  And in most cases, its a great life.  Many times its the friends you meet after divorce that define what life will be like.  At WashingtonSharedParenting.com we have created a new board on our Forum that is for Single Parents.  It’s a great place to discuss single parenting issues, to announce a get together for singles, to announce a hike, or bike, or outing for others to get together.

Getting together with other single parents will help you not only begin to socialize after divorce, but with like minded people who will want to discuss some of the same topics that you do - kids, parenting, and sometimes divorce.

Give it a try, we need your participation if we are going to make this successful.

This story is both incredible to read, and incredible to believe.  Not only is it incredible that someone would pay a woman $100 to lie to the police to falsely state they witnessed domestic violence, it’s also incredible to hear the police actually did something about it.  Of course, it’s not hard to understand when the falsely accused was a police officer.

Regardless of that fact, this ex-wife reported to police that her ex-husband has taken a tape recorder away from her and knocked her down.  She even had a witness.  A witness she paid $100 to so she could get the testimony she required.  She met her as the woman was leaving the County Jail, where she was solicited 2 days after the incident occured.  HELLO!

The witness took the $100, but later told police she was being harassed to give false statements to police.  Ms Prigger was paying witnesses to get the results she needed in court, and they weren’t even witnesses.  This was all reported in the Everett Herald
Of course, Snohomish County let the woman out of jail on her own recognizance.  Another brilliant move by our Snohomish County Judges.  If this was a child support matter, she would be in jail, as DCS would be paying the expense for it.  SInce this is custody related, it will be a slap on the wrist.  Had it become domestic violence, the officer would be out of a job.  let’s see if real justice will be served in Snohomish County, or if she will be let out for good, and gain custody of the children she desperately should not be allowed to be around after this incident.

Just received an email from a Non-custodial parent in Washington State who has had liens placed on their family home.  Turns out the liens are not accurate!  And haven’t been for several years. 

On Saturday, we heard from a man that was complaining about credit agency information not being accurate for non-custodial parents.  And having proof to that affect. 

And, of course, we have our famous Geezer who dealt with similar issue when DCS refused to correct his credit agency information when it was inaccurate!

It’s time for Washington State’s Non-Custodial Parents to begin speaking as one voice, to bring about change.  Are we dealing with Civil Rights issues as defined in the 1983 Civil Rights Action, which is primarily excess force?  Is it excess force for a state agency to file inaccurate liens against someone for a Civil Debt.  And leave it there to harm the entire family.  Imagine the cost of a vehicle loan with lousy credit because of an inaccurate lien that shows you owe $10,000 when you owe $1,000 as an example.  Imagine when your credit report shows you owe $4,000 in back child support, when you owe $1,000 and you have already paid $120,000. 

Apparently, a letter has been sent to DCS Director Stillman and to Deputy Secretary of DSHS Troy Hudson asking that they work through these policy issues and resolve these problems.  It will be interesting to see how they respond.  Your emails to them, by clicking on their highlighted names would help.  Please be civil, since we are asking that they begin to act that way.  OH, and write your elected members of the legislature as well - make sure they are representing your interests.    Or, do nothing, it is working well for non-custodial parents who continue to be abused by this agency.

Is this what you want to see from your government agencies?  Or would you prefer that they treat it like a civil debt, and be civil about it?  Now is the time to speak your mind, and please share your experience with these agencies.  If you have been harmed by this agency by actions like this, please let us know at Info@washingtonsharedparenting.com.  It might be time for a group of families to get their justice from this state!

The internet has its share of urban legends that we all get caught up in from time to time.  It’s hard not to get caught up in them.  I’ve received emails over the past few months about a new Federal Constitutional Amendment for Parental Rights.  Of course being the great research person that I am, I didn’t research it, figuring it was just someone getting excited about some hyperbole and figuring that big changes were about to come to parental rights.

Well, it turns out that big changes are about to come, and they are not necessarily good for American Families.  It seems that our US Senate has plenty of momentum to pass the United Nations U.N Convention on the Rights of the Child.  Now one would usually say that doing anything to protec children is the right thing to do.  And a famous Government leader once explained to his government that as long as the people perceived what was being done was for the good of the children, then the masses would follow.  Of course we now understand this line of thinking, as it was Adolph Hitler that stated it.  And, this U.N. treaty is not much different, as it allows the government to shift the burden of proof concerning our children to the parent, assuming we are all guilty, rather than keeping the burden on the State and assuming we are all guilty.

Unfortunately, our Supreme Court has been ruling against Parental Rights, after Centuries of supporting them.  This isn’t necessarily a shift in the courts, but a new understanding that if the rights aren’t explicitly named in the constitution, then the Supremes have no right to protect it.  SO, if it’s not in the constitution, then the Supreme Court is likely to rule against it, as they have been doing lately.

Enter the Honorable Representative Hoekstra of Michigan, a champion for Parental Rights who HAS written a Parental Rights Constitutional Amendment to give to this years Congress.  The Amendment ensures children are safe by having some protection for children that are proven to be abused, but it also protects the parents from unnecessary intervention by the Government.  Imagine, parents retain their right to raise their children as they see fit.

This is an important Amendment, and we need to pass it.  If we don’t, we risk the Senate’s passing of the U.N. Convention on the Rights of the Child trampling on the rights of not only parents, but in most cases their very children.  Rep. Hoekstra has a great web site which explains the entire concept which we have provided a link to.  I looked at the site extensively tonight, and noticed one thing that really ruffled my feathers.  Not one Representative from Washington elected members of the US House have signed onto the bill.  Not one.

Are we going to allow this to continue, or are we going to begin writing our elected officials and ask that they signup as co-sponsors of this important Amendment?  Follow this link to a website where you can send an email to your U.S. Representative, ask them to speak to Representative Hoekstra, ask them to co-sponsor this bill and sign up in support of it.  You might just be protecting your children and grandchildren in the process.

Do your children refuse to see you since you and your ex separated? When you actually get to see your kid(s), do they lash out at you? Do they know things about your break up or divorce that they shouldn’t know? Do they “diagnose” or berate you by using adult terms and expressions that are beyond their years?

If so, you’re probably experiencing the effects of parental alienation or hostile aggressive parenting. It’s normal to have hard feelings at the end of a significant relationship, however, you have a choice about how you handle it.

Most cases of parental alienation occur in dissolved marriages/relationships, break ups, and divorces in which there’s a high degree of conflict, emotional abuse, and/or mental illness or personality disorders.

If you were emotionally abused by your ex while you were still together, then your kid(s) learned some powerful lessons about relationships, especially if you had a “no talk” policy about the rages, yelling, and verbal attacks. Children are adversely affected by witnessing constant conflict and emotional abuse, no matter their age.

Emotionally abusive women and men are scary when on the attack, which probably makes it all the more confusing to see your ex turn your child(ren) against you. Don’t your kids see how out of whack their mom or dad is being? Don’t they know that you love them and how much you want to be in their lives? Don’t they realize they need you now more than ever? Yes and no.

On some level, they do know this. Nonetheless, they’re lashing out at you like mini-versions of your ex. Why?

It’s not that confusing if you think about it from a child’s perspective. Children depend utterly upon their custodial parent. Seeing mom or dad lose it and out of control is anxiety provoking, if not downright terrifying. The following are possible reasons why your ex’s campaign of parental alienation may be successful.

1) You left them alone with the crazy person. You got out and they didn’t. They’re mad that you’re not there anymore to intervene, buffer, protect, or take the brunt of it.

2) Self-preservation. They see how your ex is treating you because she or he is angry with you. Your kid(s) don’t want your ex’s wrath directed at them. It’s like siding with the bully at school so they don’t beat the crap out of you.

3) Fear of loss. If they make your ex mad they worry that they’ll be emotionally and/or physically banished, too. This is especially true if your ex used to shut you out, give you the cold shoulder, and/or ignore you when she or he was upset with you. Your kids probably fear your ex will do this to them if they don’t go along with him or her.

4) They’re mad at you. You’re no longer physically present at home, which they experience as psychological loss. Many kids experience this as betrayal and/or abandonment. Even if they can recognize that you didn’t have a happy marriage, they still want mom and dad to be together.

Loss, whether it’s physical (death) or psychological (divorce), requires a mourning period. Children aren’t psychologically equipped to handle grief and mourning. Pending other developmental milestones, kids don’t have the psychological capacity to successfully navigate loss until mid-adolescence. If you’d died, they could idealize your memory. However, you’re alive and chose to leave (or your ex chose for you). How do you mourn the loss of someone who’s not dead? It takes a level of intellectual sophistication children don’t possess not to vilify the physically absent parent—especially when your ex isn’t capable of it as an adult.

5) Rewards and punishment. Your ex “rewards” the kids (material goods, praise, trips and fun activities—probably with your support money—oh the irony) for siding with her or him, being cruel to you, or cutting you off. If your kid(s) stand up for you or challenge your ex’s smear campaign, they’re chastised, lose privileges, or have affection withheld from them. Remember how your ex used to treat you when she or he was displeased? It’s way scarier when you’re a kid. You have options as an adult that your children don’t.

6) The good son or daughter. They see how upset and out of control your ex is and want to take care of and make her or him “better.” They try to do this by doing what your ex wants, which is being hostile toward you and/or excluding you from their lives. This creates what psychologists refer to as the parentified child. Parentification forces a child to shoulder emotions and responsibilities for which she or he isn’t developmentally prepared.

Emotional parentification is particularly destructive for children and frequently occurs in parental alienation cases. The custodial parent implicitly or explicitly dumps their emotional needs on the child. The child becomes the parent’s confidante, champion/hero and surrogate for an adult partner. This is extremely unhealthy as it robs these kids of their childhood and leads to difficulty in having normal adult relationships later in life.

7) Power and control. They see the power your ex wields by behaving in an abusive and hurtful way toward you. They can wield the same power by acting out and hurting you, too. A child or teenager’s first taste of power can be thrilling for them. Of course, what they’re learning from you ex is how to gain control by being an emotionally abusive bully.

8) It’s good to be the victim. The more your ex plays the professional victim to friends, family and the legal system, the more benefits she or he gains—deferential treatment, sympathy, power, and money. The kids pick up on this victim mentality and behaviors and use it to net their own gains.

A combination of the above reasons probably applies to your child(ren) siding with your ex, particularly when you’ve been a good and loving parent. It’s demoralizing to have your kid(s) slap or push you away each time you reach out to them. It’s maddening that family court, in many cases, is blind to the abuses of parental alienation. Try to keep in mind that most children aren’t consciously aware that the above phenomena are occurring. Of course, that doesn’t make it any easier to be the emotional and financial punching bag for your ex and children.

By: Dr T

A Shrink for Men
Photo credit:

How do you reach a child who has been brainwashed? by halgil on flickr.

I like to look at the search terms that people use to find our site.  I find it entertaining in that it gives me an insight as to what others are thinking or doing in their own world.  Sometimes it scares me when I see what I see.  Take this search question given to Google by a mother in Kirkland - “how can i get my childs fathers rights taken away in everett,wa”.  Now this Clearwire customer in Kirkland at 75.92.227.# has some serious issue from what I have just read.  One question - why would anyone want to remove a parent from the life of a child.  Why?

And further more, what god given right do they have to do it in the first place.  The nice surprise was this person found our story “Washington Passes SB5470 into law“, which just told her that shared parenting can no longer be granted because one selfish person in Kirkland Washington is scorned and wants to punish another person by removing the rights of another person.  Yep, one parent can no longer put the skids on shared parenting in a case as they once could before the passage of SB5470.  The visit to us ended with a visit to our 22,000 email addresses at Washington Department of Social and Health Service.  Now lets hope she left a juicy morsel at DSHS that this father can discover from his case comments.

BTW - Have you gotten a copy of your case comments recently?  It’s easy and necessary.  Send an email to your case worker - notice - Email, not a phone call.  You want documentation.  Request your case comments, either all of them, or the newest since your last request.  If you need their email address, look it up on our DSHS database. The notes give you a view into your case that you may not be aware of.  And keep using that email address.  I can’t think of a positive outcome anyone will get from calling these people over emailing them.

Did we educate someone?  We hope so.  Did we change their mind - in the true “best interest of the child”, we hope so.

Geez, our email has been flooded this week with people sick and tired of us having to depend on two people in Olympia - Jim Hargrove and Jamie Pedersen, the two chief destructors of any attempt to get a shared parenting law in our state.  The call is for an initiative by the people!  Tim Eyman style!

We’ve opened a new discussion section on the forum at http://washingtonsharedparenting.com/smf to discuss it.  Please consider joining in and get this conversation rolling.  The anger these two men have created is boiling and needs to vent - let’s use the steam to power something to benefit our children.